Where in the World is Marijo? Some Useful Context on This Journey

I hired a coach to assist me with my sabbatical, and yesterday was our first session. I engaged with someone who specializes in adult stages of development. I am going to share some context with you that may be helpful to you in reading and using the information in this blog.

I am going through an adult development stage that some call “Individualist” (now called "Pluralist"). Remember when people used to go through their “mid life crisis” and seemingly do crazy things and try to create a new identity? It’s probably apparent to you that I am doing the same. I am right on schedule!

For some people who come across this blog, all of this stuff may make no sense and you don’t continue reading. No problem. Many people live a long and happy life never having gone through this stage. Keep on keeping on!

For some, you may be intrigued by what I am saying. You may feel a deep pang of resonance, but you are not ready to take the leap yet. I may be like the puppy in the pet store window – I am new and interesting, but you are not ready to make the commitment yet. What I write in this blog can help you see what might be coming in the next few years.

For some, you may have already gone through this stage, and you are on to the next thing. Congratulations!

And then there are some for whom these words sound like sweet music. I may be giving voice to things that you cannot. If you are in this stage, it can be a lonely experience. I have chosen to share my experience with you in the hope that it can help alleviate some of that loneliness for you. This blog is like a soldier writing a letter home from his foxhole. I am immersed in and reporting my experience from my own foxhole. You may be in the next foxhole listening. Many have put your hand up and waved to me already. It is for you that I write.

This stage can be lonely because we go within and reexamine everything – our identities, our values and actions, and how we wish to express ourselves in the word. We use a skill called introspection to do this, and it looks like a lot of “pondering our navel” activity. It is my intention for this sabbatical that I treat my life like one big experiment and I push the envelope as much as possible. I am taking “pondering the lint in my navel” to an art form. I am separating the lint fibers, examining and categorizing each and every one. I am making transparent what may not be obvious.

Those of us who go through this stage also spend a lot of time alone and look like we are self absorbed. This can be scary to other people in our lives, because they are used to us the way that we are. They may not understand our need to be alone. Be gentle to yourself and to the loved ones in your life. The intense self examination is a stage to pass through, it is not a new way of living.

What triggered this post today is my session with my coach. During our session yesterday, I started to talk about my fear of stepping into my full identity which I have hidden for many years. The feeling of fear in that moment was very intense and my coach was wonderfully supportive. As I was writing my morning pages today, the poem “Our Greatest Fear” by Marianne Williamson came to mind. I have read this poem many times and always known that it was important information. Today, I finally understood – deeply and fully – the meaning of this poem. This is written for people who are in this stage of development. For me. Now. In this moment. I finally “hear” what Marianne Williams is saying!

I am a visual thinker, and I have always thought of my own development as a large spiral. It requires that I travel many circles, in my own way and with my own timing. It also means that I will revisit things over and over, and as I journey through each pass of the spiral I understand the same things at a deeper level. My ability to hear this poem is a useful landmark to signal that I have traveled yet another iteration. My fear is natural and a wonderful barometer of my progress. I can embrace the fear, fully experience it and understand the meaning of it rather than avoid it and prolong my development needlessly. I am where I am, and it does not serve me to pretend that I am at a different level of development. Useful landmarks, awareness and acceptance are all critical elements on our developmental journeys.

I send gratitude to my coach who was gracious and supportive yesterday. Thank you all for helping me to fulfill my purpose, and for your encouragement and support!

With much love and gratitude, Mj