The Actor and the Observer

In coaching, we teach an important tool called introspection. This tool is critical in helping us develop a deeper understanding of who we are and how we move in the world. With this skill we have the ability to be the actor and observe our own actions in the moment.

It is a learned skill that moves us

• From being reactive to proactive
• From being a victim to being a creator
• From being an impulsive child to being a responsible adult
  
• From re-living old tapes from our past to letting go and fully living in the moment.

The last two days have been an interesting experience in my foxhole, where I have been in the roles of actor and observer. If you were to walk into my office, you would have seen me sitting in my Lazy Boy chair alone, mostly just sitting, sometimes writing, sometimes reading.

• I have an intense need to be alone right now. I closed the door of my office, and it was driving my husband a bit crazy. He is uncomfortable with my periods of detachment.
• I struggled to do even the simplest tasks, which hasn't helped me with my long list of "to do" items and commitments.
• I had moments of intense distraction, where my thoughts were flying all over the place. I was not even completing my thoughts before moving on to the next. It took me a long time to write my morning pages.
• I watched as I cycled through emotions and experiences. I had periods of divine intervention, where I was in ecstasy and wonderfully connected to all things. I quickly cycled through moments of sadness, optimism, contentment, irritation, joy and fear. I experienced time as circular, linear, and all at once, simultaneously.
• I became keenly aware of how I was creating all of this in the moment and could shift the storyline, or let the experience unfold and watch. Reality was like PlayDoh.
• I grew tired of being lonely in this foxhole, and also recognized that I need to hang in here a while longer and complete my work.

Debbie Ford talks about the Ego and the Divine. We often think of the Ego as "bad" and the Divine as "good". She says we can befriend our Ego and have it work on our behalf, especially in moments when the most responsible thing to do is to protect our self. Protection isn't bad, it is part of setting healthy boundaries. Ego is often confused with pride. Pride is an unfettered Ego, the culprit that creates mischief and feelings of false separateness.

We can experience being separate and connected at the same time. The Divine is where we are connected to all things and we experience our unique purpose in this world. The Ego is the expression of our unique contribution and where we experience others and their uniqueness. We are not our Ego.

When we can function as the actor and the observer, it is easier to see the interplay between the Ego and the Divine. Over the last two days, I have let the two "run amok" and watched them. I was able to experience them as Yin/Yang, as two different and interconnected worlds.

• If I am 100% in the Divine, I lose my footing here in this reality and my connection to and experience of others.
• If I am operating 100% in Ego, I forget my purpose in this life and connection to all things.

This is consistent with Jill Bolte Taylor's description of the role of left brain / right brain in her book "My Stroke of Insight". Both are needed in balance in order to live a fulfilling life.

All the best! With much love and gratitude, Mj