Learning, Sweet Learning

I spent this past weekend at a session entitled “Learning and Protection”. The purpose of the weekend is to teach us ways to help others (and ourselves) learn how to pause, to identify when we are protecting ourselves and how we can shift to learning in the moment. It is in these moments that we can actively choose our response and we have the most freedom. We learned some wonderful tools that I will be able to apply in coaching with my clients.

I learned a great deal during the weekend, and one of my greatest moments of learning happened afterwards. I was with Inge and Jane and were talking about children. Jane asked if I ever wanted children. My response was an immediate and emphatic “no”. She inquired why, and I started to cry. Inge asked, “why the tears?” With that simple question, I learned a lot in the short span of several minutes. In fact, I am still learning.

I was raised during the days of “spare the rod, spoil the child”. I have spent many years and many dollars unraveling my early childhood experiences. In that moment, I could see that I decided many years ago that I would not have children. I did not want to raise a child the way that I had been raised, and in essence, was protecting children that I might have had - from me. I felt like I had a “bad seed”. I didn’t trust myself enough to be able to parent differently.

I can see how I made this decision out of revenge and anger. I can remember times that I was jealous of parents who had wonderful relationships with their children. There is a feeling of deep sadness and mourning in this. Perhaps I am mourning the child I could have had, I don't know. There is a lot of emotion mixed in and bundled up in here.

And, I can see how over the past year I have started to enjoy being with children and feeling very connected to them in my heart. I love being with parents, especially parents who teach Redirecting Children’s Behavior. Sparkle called me this morning to ask me to buy a copy of a children's book that she is publishing, and with a lot of joy in my heart I said yes.

My impact in this world is not through my own children - time has passed me by on this one. I have many, many opportunities to be loving and present to adults and children for the rest of my days. I can lovingly support adults who are parents. I can lovingly support authors who write books for children. There are many opportunities.... Woo hoo!

True lasting change begins with a deep awareness of where we are at – truly – and having acceptance in that moment. With the simple question of “why the tears” and the support of Inge and Jane I was able to accept all the things that came to the surface in that very powerful moment. I am very grateful to all my friends who were with me this weekend, and how our time together helped me be vulnerable and see the truth.

With much love and gratitude, Mj
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