Two Month Check In

It has been two months since I started this sabbatical - time has been short and long at the same time. I wanted to do a check in summary of what I have experienced in these weeks, and some of the changes that have happened with me. These are in no particular order.

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Being Present - I have been aware of being present in every moment. An easy way for me to start was to stop multitasking and do only one thing. Some examples: I am fully present to the experience of eating. I still create a "to do" list, and then I pick it up, select one item and do only that. When I get a phone call, I usually can drop everything and sometimes even go into a room alone so I can fully be present on the phone call.

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Ken Saunders, a friend of mine, always tells me: "You need to go slow to go fast". I have truly experienced this. Everything has been easier for me - relationships, tasks, etc. It has also enabled me to focus on the intention, especially when I am in service to another. Nice......

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Consolidation - I mentioned at the beginning of this journey that I wanted to pay attention to four levels of development - mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. I felt rather disconnected in that my emotional and physical self were lagging behind, and my mental and spiritual self was "out there". I could "know" things intellectually, but it wasn't always fully integrated for me.

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I feel more holistic, integrated and "even" in my levels of development. When I am stressed, my least developed aspect of my self is likely to arise, and yes, I may act like a four year old. It simply means that I have a trigger and an opportunity to look within to see what else is up for me. When this does happen, it now short lived and I am back in the groove quickly.

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I also have been paying closer attention to my diet, and physically I am getting more sensitive to foods (especially sugar). The more I shift to a natural diet (less processed food), I feel lighter overall and more even and centered in my emotions.

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Appreciation vs. Jealousy - This one has brought me great joy! There have been moments when I hear about another person's accomplishment or living his/her dream, and deep inside I was feeling jealous. On the vision quest in Hawaii, the group from Global helped me see my jealousy. I was an eye opening experience to look back through my life at how pervasive it was in my life. Since then, it has became easier to spot and shift in the moment.

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I also started to feel more at peace with this sabbatical. The Gremlin Ego likes to whisper "you're falling behind", "you are not in the action", "what are you doing?", blah blah blah.... As I focused on tending to my own present moment, jealousy melted away like an ice cube. As the jealousy melted away, I began to feel deeper and deeper appreciation and joy for the other person. NICE......

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"I am Broken" / "I am Enough" - This one confuses people. Over the years, I have collected degrees, certificates, awards, and compiled an impressive resume. About 10 years ago I heard "People get a Ph.D. to prove how smart they are". In that moment, I thought "ew - that's me!". I have always operated from a feeling of being broken - not smart enough, not mature enough, not pretty enough.... etc. etc. Underneath many of those accomplishments, I was always proving myself. Consulting fed this frenzy in me in that consultants always are striving to "prove their value". Clever how I designed my life, eh?

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Several times in my life, I have felt like my brain was rewired. My first experience was when I finished my comprehensive exams in graduate school. It was six months of very intensive study and integrating information. When I finished the exams, I felt like I didn't know how to think anymore. I literally had to relearn how to think. It is true that we can reconstruct our brains (see the book "My Stroke of Insight").

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Why do I mention this? In the last eight weeks, I feel like my emotions have been rewired. I feel much more "consolidated". The most striking effect I noticed is that I operate with the assumption "I am enough".

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WOW! What's next?

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Enjoy your day! Love, Mj