Always and Never

In our culture, we like the certainty of talking about "always" and "never", and of course we can "always" find an exception to any rule (therefore, disproving either one). Many arguments will start or escalate once these words are introduced into the conversation.

So why do we use these concepts? We are socialized to use anchors to provide stability and predictability. As a change consultant, I often asked "where are the anchors?", the things that people feel they can count on "regardless". These anchors would help them manage - and in some cases endure - change. I worked with organizations to design new structures and then pour cement all over them.

Last week, I talked about a book that I read which really hit home for me regarding many aspects of my personality. It said a lot in a mere 120 pages. I submerged myself deeply in the message and looked at my own life as well as my beliefs (both past and current).

This sabbatical is about me pushing the envelope in many ways as deeply as I can. I am doing a lot of introspection and burrowing on my perceptions and beliefs. Mentally I leave a delicate silk thread to bring me back from the edge when I go on these journeys in order to preserve my sanity (or so I like to think). It allowed me to go very deep and pull myself out. In this case, I went to the times in my life where I believed it was 100% true. This time, I went for broke.

It was a sobering experience. I became deeply honest with myself in a way that I don't remember doing before. I saw where it is me and it isn't me, even in the exact same moment. I took full responsibility for my beliefs and past behavior and was able to lay it down and let go. Since then, I feel more "whole", centered and serene. Another turn of the crank...

I also realized that I was going down a rabbit hole and creating new anchors, a new story. Ha! There is a lot of truth in my behavior, but my behavior is not the Truth of who I am. When I looked at the times when this was "100% true", it was true in that moment and also a product of past experience and current beliefs. It was also a series of moments over millions of moments in my life. How do we embrace the totality of Truth in it's many facets and dimensions, and traverse the many possibilities of what is/is not true in that moment? I was able to experience a single moment and simultaneously pull back and experience the context of the moment, and see a broader perspective in both.

We cling to anchors and regard them as truth because we want structure and form. We want to be able to neatly explain our past, and with a high degree of certainty be able to predict our future. We are in love with this idea! Six Sigma is a philosophy and discipline dedicated to creating predictable results to the nth degree. To live by structure means that we are locked in structure, too. And then people feel trapped in a system they believe they cannot change.

Everything is flexible, fluid and dynamic, but it is hard for us to wrap our heads around that all the time. It is helpful to remember that change happens in an instant. Moment by moment, we choose whatever experience we want to create, but it is sometimes easier to think that we are victims of our circumstances or follow a process in autopilot.

We can stick by our story and anchors, create news ones, or just let them go. We can make the same choices, just do it consciously and with joy. Ask yourself throughout the day - "What am I creating - now, in this moment? What anchors have I created and am now blindly hanging on to? Am I trapped in my own story?".

In appreciation for this moment... and this one... and this one.... Love, Mj XOXO