The Joy of Connecting with Energy

Sunday, I conducted a video workshop with some friends who are Reiki practitioners. I have written before about Quantum Touch and how it is very complimentary to Reiki and other modalities such as Qigong, Tai Chi, etc. Four of us spent the day together and had a marvelous time. We each come from such different places in our lives and have different backgrounds. One woman is a massage therapist and Reiki Level II. The man is a black belt in martial arts and also practices Qigong in addition to Reiki Level II. Another woman is a high priestess and ritual master as well as an experienced Reiki Master. And, well, you know my story...

It gave me great joy to see all of us working together and our skills blossom! The massage therapist often sees colors and she expanded the range and diversity of colors in her sight. She also for the first time "felt guidance" in placing her hands.

In doing this work, we concentrate on getting out of the way, we empty our minds and let go of our own personal agendas so the energy can flow through us. As she was working, she felt the intuitive "nudge" to place her hands in several positions. This often happens with massage therapists and chiropractors - they just seem to "know" where to put their hands. Some of that is their expert knowledge; they observe the person moving and through experience they know what parts of the body are out of alignment. Reiki practitioners often scan the area with our hands and we can feel a shift in energy over a particular spot.

And then, there are times that we just get a "knowing" to lay our hands in a particular spot. Literally, it is as if someone is moving our hands for us. This is what she experienced for the first time. Woo hoo!

The gent in our group started to see color for the first time ever! It was helpful for him to get advice and help from the other two ladies. He was particularly in tune with the flow of energy among us as we were working. The other woman is already a very powerful healer after many years experience, and amazingly was able to amp up her energy even more. These techniques helped to ground her energy and make the spectrum more complete.

The Quantum Touch way of teaching us to "run energy" is very easy to learn and has increased our own skill and capacity. We all are aware of energy when we walk into a room, or we meet someone that we immediately connect with or immediately feel the urge to stay away from. This energy work that we are focusing on takes the same feelings and refines it even further. All of us could go out onto a field and throw a ball around to each other, yet it takes discipline, focus and dedication to take "playing catch" to an art form as a professional athlete.

As for me, I continue to build my skills through almost daily practice. I can feel my skills slowly get stronger day by day, and I am deeply appreciative of the people who help me practice. Someone asked me yesterday "Did it work?". We are taught to let the ego step aside. It is always so very tempting to want to "prove" that this works, to show evidence that a change occurred. This is a rational thought process that is ingrained in our culture. The eye cannot see all that there is to see.

We do not know the work that the person needs to do, whether it is on a mental, emotional, physical or spiritual level. The hardest part of this work is remaining unattached to the need and the outcome. A few weeks ago, I was working with someone with a headache. I felt my angel guide put her arms inside of mine and surround the person with love. In that moment, what she needed was not for the headache to go away but to feel love.

I do not "heal" anyone. I set an environment through the mastery of my own energy to assist another person to do their work. I am a guide, a partner, a channel, a catalyst for the other person's work and I set a loving intention to invite them into a deeper exploration of their own mastery. I do this as a hands on practitioner and as a coach. Every day each of us has an opportunity to be a catalyst for another and joyfully connect with their energy in a positive and affirming way. Did you see your opportunity today?

With much love and gratitude, Mj XOXO

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A Milestone...

Yesterday was an important milestone. I am exactly half way through this sabbatical. Wait, let me count the months again... yes, half way through! I was reflecting on the road thus far. I really had no idea what would come of this and have always consciously kept my options open all the way through this. I am amazed at how far I have come and how far I still want to go! As I was writing in my journal, I began to think - what am I half way through and what have I completed?

• I am all the way through Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain and The Intention Experiment. In January and February, I was obsessed with this material. Both of these books are modern scientific foundation work for disciplines of spirituality that have been in existence for thousands of years (Buddhism, Hinduism, QiGong, Catholicism, shamanism, etc.)
  
• I am half way through Hands of Light, Light Emerging and Sacred Contracts. The first books were important foundation reading for the second set of books. Ah, the wisdom of guidance! (By the way, if you use these Amazon links to buy these books, I get a bit of money through their referral program.... thanks for your support!)
  
• I am half way through my life and my career - perhaps 2/3.
• I have a doctorate and several other certificates and degrees, and yet there is so much I still want to learn. I look at my bio and I don't recognize that person any more.
  
• I some ways I feel like I have lived several lifetimes and in other ways I never grew up.
• I am open and closed, satisfied yet yearning, courageous and fearful, loving and selfish, angry and peaceful, light and shadow, curious and inattentive. I am all of these, and more.
  
• I feel like the best is yet to come!

Last Monday, I had a great coaching call with Chris. She could see that I am deeply moving into the Individualist/Pluralist stage, where I am feeling the polarity and the pull of what we often call "black and white thinking". She helped me see that I have been setting up and challenged by polarities. Aha! I get it! Now I see why they changed the name of this stage to Pluralist, because of the learning about polarities. LOL!!

So one of the key questions for a person in this stage / for me is: How do I embrace the dichotomy? Chris' advice: It is through trial and error and continually focusing on what I want to create. You know, the ol' "staying in the moment" thing....

One of the challenges that I have always had is to keep an open mind and look for other possibilities. I begin to make an either/or decision, dutifully performing the classically trained "pros and cons" analysis. Because I am out of my comfort zone in the unknown, I often leap to making a decision once I see two choices available. I thought creativity was pushing beyond the first two choices available.

I was pushing deeper on this last idea in my journal this morning. As I was working through the Sacred Contracts book, Caroline Myss kept stressing that "we all have all of these archetypes within us". We have within us a microcosm of everything that is. In spiritual terms we often talk about the "oneness of everything". This concept finally and firmly hit home with me this morning. We are our own unique blend of everything - sort of like our own "unique recipe" and blend of all ingredients. Lately, I have been discovering and exploring "my own recipe" (archetypes).

Up to now, this sabbatical has been about pushing the envelope for myself, going to the extremes to see my potential and test my limits (and, by the way, making some people very nervous in the process). In some ways, this has been the "X Games" of personal development.

In my conversation with Chris, we were talking about pulling back and focusing on balance - between action and stillness, between being alone and with others in relationship, etc. I test my archetypes through my sacred contracts with others in relationship. I need both. This month's theme is about "re-balancing", looking beyond the dichotomy and embracing the full polarity, the entire uniqueness of my own "recipe" and seeking the entire unique "recipe" of others. That I believe is creativity, the ability to embrace and work with all of that. In each moment, we are bringing forth one or several aspects from a range of all possibilities that we all have within us.

In order to re-balance my life, I have started to move into action. I became an employee at Simply Massage, I have been busy scheduling and giving private Reiki / energy balancing sessions with people, and I started training last Friday to become a hospice volunteer. I can be still within and be in action.

When you become a warrior, you learn to meditate in every action.
Socrates in Peaceful Warrior

Love, Mj XOXO

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Calling Back Our Spirit

As you know, I enjoy the work of Caroline Myss and they way that she explains her work. In Energy Anatomy and Sacred Contracts she talks about "calling back our spirit". According to Caroline, there are times that we send our spirit out on missions that we have no business sending them there. To reclaim our power is to call ourselves back from these missions.

• Every time we mull over the past or fret about the future, we are losing power in that moment and sending our energy somewhere else. In the movie "Peaceful Warrior", Socrates tells Dan to throw out the trash, which he defines as "anything that keeping me from the moment here, now".
• Every time we concern ourselves with other people's business and should be sticking to our own mastery, we are giving away our power. In the CDs "Tones that Lead to Love", Bill Reidler talks about not throwing your trash into someone else's yard.
• Every time we fail to complete our business, we leave a conversation unfinished, a task incomplete, we leave a part of our selves in that time and place. How many times have we regretted not saying something to someone who passed away? Regrets dis-empower us.

I talked with one of my sisters over the weekend for several hours, and I loved every moment of it. We are on such parallel paths and we shared our lives, our loves, our thoughts and our hearts with each other. I asked that she rent "Peaceful Warrior" which she did. We talked later in the evening and I loved hearing her share her favorite quotes. We talked at length about the lessons in the movie and how we are applying them to our lives. I experienced a lot of joy in those hours with my sister.

We are both doing the work of claiming our spirits back.

• She is closing the physical location of her business, and her friend suggested that she walk through one last time, through each room, collect her spirit and take her name off the door.
• Last week my business partners and I had a phone call with a former customer with the business that we closed down, and we brought closure to one last outstanding item.
• My sister also talked about her work as a massage therapist. Now that she is not consumed with the details of running a business, she is becoming more centered while she is in session with a client, and her power is coming back.
• I had an argument last week that for the first time in my life I truly stood up for myself. It was not pretty and I am not proud of getting angry, but at the same time symbolically I was doing the work of many years over my lifetime in a single moment.

Spirit, welcome home....

Where are you? Here.
What time is it? Now.
What am I? This moment.

Socrates and Dan in Peaceful Warrior

For the gift that each moment brings... Love, Mj XOXO

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A Raft In the Ocean

In this post I will be integrating a few things. A lot has been going on in the past week, all good. I have been working through the Caroline Myss Sacred Contracts book, which I would recommend. It is a lot of work and I feel worth it. It is providing me a perspective on my life that is helping me to unfold many aspects of my life and experiences.

According to Caroline Myss, we all have four "core" archetypes, and then we choose eight others that are unique to ourselves. The four archetypes are:

• Child: Guardian of Innocence (do we work from the Wounded / Orphan Child or the Wonder Child?)
  
• Prostitute: Guardian of Faith (when do we "sell" ourselves for the sake of our survival?)
  
• Saboteur: Guardian of Choice (do we fear taking responsibility or fear change, or do we move forward with courage and follow our intuition?)
  
• Victim: Guardian of Self Esteem (do we work from our own strength and personal power?)
  

For me, I could see how "victim hood" has been teaching me lessons, as well the Wounded Child. It is always tempting to work in The Light, and yet we need the Shadow to explore what the Light is not (in Neale Donald Walsh's terms). Shadow is not evil, it is unexplored, unknown. It shows up as evil when it is misguided and mischievous. Without the Shadow, we would not have choice.

Last Thursday, I had a healing session with Joy Adler and it was a wonderful experience. At the beginning of the session, I shared with her a little bit of what is going on for me. I have always felt like I was two people: one part of me has the capacity to love and give to others and the other part has a deep wound that I want to heal. I told her that I am ready to amp up the giving and let go of the "wound".

We are expressive beings - it is our true nature. If we are rejected, punished, shunned or chastised in any way for our direct expression of ourselves, we will resort to indirect ways - using mischief, manipulation, denial - to get what we want and need. I know for me that I forgot what it was like to be direct and authentic. Maturity is when we balance our own needs with the needs of others. Children learn this over time as they mature. What interrupts this natural evolution is when we get side tracked by mischief. We become hypersensitive to criticism, rejection, punishment, and shunning. I learned to be the Wounded Child.

Because the original need is not met, we keep going back to the same patterns of behavior. It becomes like a pearl that the oyster keeps putting layer after layer over the original grain of sand. And, there is a beauty in the process. We wouldn't have the ability to create these protections if they were not needed. The beauty is in the learning, balancing the Light and the Shadow. This is how we learn choice.

During the session, I willingly went to my core and felt a deep despair, but not what I expected. I anticipated meeting the Wounded Child. Instead, I felt the impact of the Saboteur, the Guardian of Choice. Over the course of about 15 seconds, I felt the collective pain of every time in my life I sabotaged myself and held myself back from expressing my soul. There is a deep longing there.

What's "up" for me now is asking the question to my inner guidance - what is next. Okay, I did the March intensive where I attended an energy workshop every weekend. I am taking some steps positive steps with this energy work. Is this really my next step? I am feeling ambivalence, it is and is it? Is this what I am to commit to the rest of my days? Do I sign up for a four year program, is my commitment that strong?

When I was a senior in high school, I decided that I would get a PhD. In my mind and in my heart, it was a done deal and was very comforting in many ways. It was a certainty that I could anchor to, and I did the impossible to attain this goal. When I made this decision I had $40 to my name and no clue how to do it. For the next fifteen years, I held the intention and the path unfolded in front of me. I am searching for that same certainty of choice, the enduring quality and comfort to know that I am on the right path and just need to make it happen.

Last summer, Jill (an intuitive reader who follows this blog) described to me an image of me alone on a small raft in the middle of the ocean. Joy described the exact same image last Thursday. Interesting coincidence, and it is how I feel. Years ago, I learned to trust my conviction. This time, I am simply learning to trust. Do not sabotage, let go of the victim, be aware of choices where I am confronted with survival issues, and be with the Wonder Child, not the Wounded Child. Just be. It has always been my nature to be in action.

I keep taking a deep breath and recenter myself in the moment when I feel myself on the raft. My "job" right now is to do nothing and sit my butt in the raft and be. It is still a blow to my ego to not be in motion, productive and fulfilling the work ethic (which signals to me I am still working on this). In the movie "Peaceful Warrior", Dan tells Socrates that he is not ready to give up on his training and he walks out. Socrates assumes that he is talking about gymnastics, but he looks up to see Dan walk over to the abandoned car to "just sit and be". Dan is determined and committed to learn the lessons of the Peaceful Warrior.

Today is Easter Sunday, a day of resurrection and rebirth. It is a day of new beginnings and the freshness of a new experience. I hope you are also experiencing the possibilities of the stillness, which is where our rebirth emanates from.

With much gratitude for this process and the unfolding. Happy Easter!
Love, Mj XOXO

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Building Momentum

I am in the beginning of building a Reiki / Energy Balancing practice. I want to get some practical experience with these modalities. So far, I have signed on as an employee with Simply Massage in Belmar, and also arranging appointments with friends and family over the next few weeks. Tomorrow I work with a neighbor who seriously injured both his knees about 2 months ago.

I also reached out to the local hospice organization as a volunteer, so I will be able to work with people at an important time of their lives. My dream is that I work side by side with other health care practitioners to complement treatment offered to clients and patients. I have many fond memories of when I worked as a respiratory therapist many years ago.

I'm loving that I can be in service to others, and really looking forward to it!

I also have a few nibbles on a long term coaching project and perhaps a bit of pick up consulting work. Just a bit to help with the bills, and I will definitely pay attention to keeping my commitment to myself and selectively being in service (with pay ;-).

I have been casting my Chart of Origin according to the Sacred Contracts work by Caroline Myss. We all have four core archetypes: Child, Victim, Prostitute and Saboteur. There are positive and shadow aspects to each of these, and this gives me a chance to pay close attention. For example, the Prostitute archetype helps test our commitment to our purpose, and it will test how well I navigate, negotiate and hold true to my purpose.

With much love and gratitude... Love, Mj XOXO

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How Can You Ask...?

This has been a very intense 10 days, and I feel like I am still coming out of it to some degree. I experienced a wonderful "high" from the weekend in Rochester, feeling very open in all my energy centers, and feeling very loving.

I went into a phase last Saturday where I put up walls around me. Having several guests this weekend didn't help. I was expected to be an open, gracious hostess and loving wife, and instead I was struggling to give in ways that were expected of me. I was like a bear in a cave, snarling and growling at mostly my husband. All week I had been looking forward to his coming home (feeling "open") and when he did come home, I was anything but. He is very, very confused by all of this, and with good reason. And so was I, quite frankly. More than once I wondered "What the freak is going on with me?"

There are two schools of thought on processing internal work. One is through awareness where we recognize whatever is going on in the moment and consciously shift to a different choice. The other is to fully go into the experience in order to release emotion that is locked up. I wanted to do the former (make different choices), and instead did the latter. I had a beast that was coming up and was not to be ignored. In the past, these feelings would show up and I would attempt to cover it up and/or screw the lid down tight.

This morning, I was reading the Barbara Brennan book "Light Emerging: The Journey of Personal Healing". In the first chapter, she was describing the higher self, the lower self and the mask. The higher self is what I experienced during the weekend. The mask is what we often call the Ego - that part of us that wants to look good, prove ourselves, and blame because we fear not being accepted by others. The lower self was new to me, and it made sense. Here is how Barbara describes it:

"Any energy movement, negative or positive, is pleasurable. These actions carry pleasure because they are releases of energy that has been stored up inside... Negative pleasure originates in our lower self...and is truthful about its negative intent. It doesn't pretend to be nice... The intention of the lower self is to maintain separation and to do anything it wants to do, and to not feel pain." (pp. 8-9)

"The more our actions that arise out of the core are distorted by the mask, the more we must justify our actions by blame. The more we deny the existence of our lower self, the more we de-power ourselves. Denial holds back the power of the creative source within us. This creates a greater and greater cycle of pain and helplessness... we become unconsciously terrified by it and will stop at nothing to defend ourselves against experiencing it." (p. 9)

I had a huge dose of experiencing all three of these states - higher self, lower self and the mask - in a very short time and at high intensity. This is what my one year sabbatical is about - taking the time to deeply go through experiences and develop wisdom from them.

Two years ago, I kept hearing this message: "How can you ask that which you will not do?". In a 10 day span I experienced the good, the bad and the ugly. My five hour "time out" on Sunday morning was one of several steps that I took to settle down and let go. During that time, I made a vow that I will learn more about managing my own energy as well as deepen my desire to help others learn to manage theirs.

A healer is a person who has healed his/her self, and I know that part of my purpose here is to be a catalyst for others to change, grow and heal. I am surrendering to my purpose while taking full responsibility. That begins by working in my own life by expanding my capacity to give, to receive and to serve others. When I step back, I can see a pattern where I keep stretching the depth of my experiences and this weekend is part of that work. Not "pretty", but baby, it's real.

For this process and the love and patience of my husband, I am eternally grateful.

Love, Mj XOXO

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Ode to Mom P

Mom P has been here since Friday night and will be here through Thursday. It has been fun to spend time together. She has been showing me "her secrets". I was working side by side with her, both of us pouring love and intention into our cooking.

Maggie is 94 years young and is a loving mother and family member. So much of her life has revolved around cooking and sharing meals together. She can take a few things from the fridge and magically create a meal for 12. A little bit of water, bread crumbs and extra eggs can go a long way!

As we were working together, she was sharing some of her cooking wisdom:

• Never rush cooking, there are no short cuts.
• Pay attention and do one thing at a time.
• You have to be a master to put the eggplant in the pan just right.
• Keep the meat separate from the pasta (I learned this one the hard way tonight ;-).
• Make at least double and freeze it so you always have your favorite foods around.

It was wonderful to watch her work, her experienced hands nimbly and deftly moving the food around in the pan, seeing the joy in her face. It is said that masters meditate in every action. Maggie is truly a master of love and cooking...

I love you Maggie! ~~ Mj XOXO
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Intensity

March was a huge month for me - every weekend I was doing something related to energy or energy healing. I have also been going through the Caroline Myss "Sacred Contracts" book and casting my chart of origin. Some big insights started to unfold for me in doing this work.

This weekend it just seems to be all coming together. I have an *intense* desire to be alone and let this process simmer. It is as if my foundations are all shifting, and I have been moody and not fun to be around. Lots of stuff churning inside and coming up for me. In the midst of a storm the crew on a ship will just hang on and let nature take it's course. And so am I.

This morning, I woke up still feeling on edge and "raw". I have been sitting here for over five hours, alone in the stillness of this room, barricaded behind several doors, collecting my energetic s**t, so to speak. It has been helpful. I am feeling more centered and peaceful, and ready to face the day.

Hanging in there, Mj XOXO
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My Experience with Healing Science

This past weekend, I attended the Barbara Brennan Fundamentals workshop. As I mentioned before, I have had a pretty intense month and April will definitely be an "extreme self care" period, as my coach likes to say. I will be busy integrating many experiences and putting into practice many things that I learned this past five weeks. Whew!

First of all, I would like to honor Joy Adler, the workshop facilitator. I was inspired by her love and dedication for this group. She was always positive and supportive in helping us risk, stretch and grow. She never had a single criticism, her comments were always focused on what we were doing well. I suspect that it can be very vulnerable to be in the presence of someone who can read energy and know the truth of our feelings. I never felt vulnerable throughout the entire weekend. Thank you Joy!

We covered a lot of material that is presented in Barbara Brennan's book "Hands of Light" and received hands on practice with tools and methods that we can use with our clients. About 3/4 of the class participants are massage therapists. I love the thought that they will be able to apply what we learned and deepen their effectiveness for their clients. My sister Nancy is a phenomenal massage therapist and through her own intuition and experience she has developed her own High Sense Perception. I have heard stories and personally experienced the difference when she is using energy in combination with the massage. It makes a huge difference.

One of the most important things that we learned this weekend was how to ground ourselves and draw energy up through our core. So many times people who work with energy become burned out. We are not batteries, we are channels. Learning to tap into an infinite energy source is critical for all of us, and especially people in the "helping" professions like therapists, medical personnel, coaches, etc.. I know that over the years I did not know how to ground myself and I did not know how to protect myself from other people's energy. I was like a sponge that absorbed a lot from others.

I have had a two times in my life where I had emotional breakdowns. During this weekend, I was feeling overwhelmed with emotion, I shut down and I couldn't stop crying. It felt like my previous experiences all over again. During the two periods when I had my "emotional breakdowns", I would set a goal to not cry for 24 hours and failed daily for months. It was incredibly embarrassing for me to cry and lose control, especially "moi" who had my emotions under such a tight lid. I spent the last 3 years allowing myself to get in touch with my emotions, and here I was, in the same rabbit hole again.

As I mentioned in earlier posts, I am in the Individualist / Pluralist stage of Adult Development and it is common to look back on our lives and recast our own story as well as let go of a lot of our history.

According to Joy, I "blew out" my solar plexus chakra. I was fortunate to be with a person who knew exactly what was going on and was able to heal my chakra. I suddenly understood those two intense periods with a whole new light. In fact, my past experiences helped me see the power of being able to help others in hours or days rather than months or perhaps years. It certainly opened up another world for me in terms of learning about energy and the science of healing.

During the Sunday meditation, I had an experience where my guide put his/her hands into mine. Have you seen the "Incredible Hulk" hands at Halloween time, where the hands are huge? That is what my hands felt like - they were about 3x the size of my own. We did a healing after the meditation and not only did I have "Hulk Hands", but my lower body was vibrating the whole time which was interesting. I definitely have something going on with my hands between my experience last week and this one. LOL!

As with all big decisions, I wait 30 days to check in and see what I am feeling about this work. There is an opportunity to study this in a four year program and this is a big commitment. As with the previous five months of this sabbatical, I don't know where this is headed but I do trust that I am on a path and on purpose. In the meantime, I will be talking this week with the owner of the local massage spa to start offering Reiki to her clients and set up times with friends to refine my skills.

With much love and gratitude for everything until now and the sweetness of what is yet to be...

Mj xoxo

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