Do You Want to be Their “Mom” or the Expert on the Topic?

This article was written by my friend Mark A. Miller Director for the Upgrade Center in Tallahassee FL.

The difference between being the "authority figure" and being the "authority" can greatly improve your communication with your customers while increasing your effectiveness as a leader.

While on paper, distinction between these two terms seems very subtle and what I have learned is that in practice they are worlds apart on how the listener perceives the helpfulness of your communication. It is based on the concept of separating the message from the messenger.

I can best illustrate the difference of the two, by example, in the past, when customers contacted our office, and ask about the current requirements for maintaining their professional license. What they would have most likely got, were statements like; you must have..., you cannot have more than..., you have to have them completed by no later than...

By using these types of statements verbally and in writing, I made myself the dictatorial authority figure by stating their requirements, like a stern parent, a strict teacher, or a mean principal. I made the requirements sound like they were my rules, to some members this would cause them to want to “push back” or rebel against the authority figure as they did in their childhood. (The need to push back against authority figures, for most of us, happens subconsciously, we are not aware that we are doing it). Sometimes the pushing back would be blatant, with them disagreeing or arguing with me about the requirements or it would be a lot more subtle, like a long silence and them saying, "Okay, thanks" and hanging up immediately. Looking back on these conversations, neither one of us was grateful for the exchange.

Of course, most of the conversations with my customers did not end this way, however I did notice that this would rarely happened, if ever, when I stopped responding to them as the authority figure and provided them the information as the authority or expert on the topic. Now when I respond by saying "Sure, I can read you what the current regulation (and state the source)”, when I continue with “Or, I would be happy to summarize it for you now, or I could e-mail it or fax it to you too. What would you like?"

After responding this way, I was far more effective in providing the requested information; first, by providing them with choices, they feel in control. Second, letting them know what the source the information, it separates the message (the information) from the messenger (me). This allows them to more easily hear and accept what they wanted to know, without making me the authority figure or the "strict parent" about what they have to do or else. Finally the benefit for both of us is, a more pleasant and respectful conversation in a much shorter amount of time.

By separating yourself from the information, you have the benefit of being detached from their response. Yes, being “detached” from your customer responses is a very good thing if it can serve them best by empowering them to be responsible for their own actions.

To learn more about The Upgrade Center and other resources that are available, see http://www.upgradecenter.org/

Thanks Mark!