The Path to This Door

Several have inquired about what lead me to this decision and what I am looking for. The short answer is:

1. My life "wasn't working any more", in that I was not able to sustain the same pace, interest, drive and wisdom that I enjoyed in the past; and
2. I am not precisely sure "what" it is that I am looking for. On a grand scale, I am looking for peace and serenity, a centered existence where I work from a new personal power that is true to myself. I am in transition to stretch to a new level of maturity that doesn't require me to do more, but rather be more.

Now, the longer answer.

The hair that broke that camel's back is that I invested in a business this past summer and am closing it (already). I went into this decision thinking that this was what I really wanted to do at least for the next several years.

Leading to this decision to close the busiess was another big decision. As of March 1st, I stopped consulting. Being a change consultant was a huge component of my identity for a long time. I was very successful by all standards - income, relationships, international travel, bandwidth, etc.. I was traveling 110% of the time and was home for only a few days a month. However, in the last year, I ceased to be a change consultant. I was a shell that was going through the motions.

One could say it was burnout, but it was really more than that. It was not who I was. Not that I was "more" than that, or different than that. The business that I invested in conducts weekend seminars that significantly impact people's lives in many profound ways. It's still change in another venue.. I personally have changed in many profound ways over the last three years, and I believe that their work helped me get to the point of this transition. So I invested and thought that I was "all set".

And then it became like pushing a rock up hill. Not that running it is difficult. My business partner and I both came to this conclusion at the same time. It is well within our capabilities to do it. It is not our desire. The drive, the passion is not there. It's not that we are "less than", it is that we are longing to listen to our inner voice and sing our soul song.

The business entity will cease to exist. This - whatever "this" is - will morph into something else. That morphing process requires letting go of what we are attached to.

I have for all of my life listened to my intuiton. Last year at this time, my inner voice was saying (LOUDLY and repeatedly, by the way) "Clear your calendar as of January 2008. Create space for yourself and have nothing to do. You need time." Clearly, I did not listen and I am listening now. Ergo, my sabbatical.

I can see how I thought buying the center was a spiritual act and becoming more in line with my purpose of serving others. It was also in many ways working from ego. I still have moments of shame, guilt and embarrassment to admit what I had done, thinking what a stupid thing to do and how I am disappointing others. Now my ego is saying "be sure what you want before you act so you don't make another stupid move". (Come on, I have done dumber things with more money.) My inner voice is saying "immerse yourself in the journey and simply be in the moment". I like that voice much better.

So what is a sabbatical? I am stepping away and living in the moment. Much of this will be about the ego and the divine, and developing on all four levels -mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. Not just saying it, but truly living it.

I have a bias for action and I will be resisting the temptation to jump. It's not entirely clear what this path will be, and with all good paths, the journey and the destination will surprise me. There will be many lessons and breakthroughs along that way that I am willing to share. This is what I hope will evolve over the next year through this dialogue.

Your questions and comments are helping us both. I have gotten private emails and had conversations already that are shaping the path. Clearly, I am not alone and I invite you to join me in conversation!

All the best! Love, Mj