Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Do You Know What You Want to Do?

This article by Natalie Caine, M.A. is from the Self Improvement newsletter at SelfGrowth.com. I like this article because it provides practical advice for figuring out the age old question: "What should I do with my life?" and also reminds us that we live in a community. It is okay to reach out and ask for help, and in fact, your family and friends would probably enjoy the opportunity to be in service to you! ~~ Love, Marijo


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Empty nesters, women and men who have been in a career for decades, stay-at-home moms, parents retiring, college grads, and people returning from service... all are asked, What do you want to do now?



Are you asking yourself that question? Have you come up with some ideas, but....



I know what it is like when you are burnt out, can't figure out what to do next, or feel you just can't do it all by yourself.



Over the years, I have heard stories of desire and confusion when it comes to what to do next.

I was fortunate, sitting in my daughter's high school college meeting, that my idea to start Empty Nest Support Services came to me, motivated from not wanting anyone to go through this major life transition alone.



I knew nothing about websites, but I did know how to teach, inspire, and learn. I made a list of what I was good at doing, what compliments I had heard over the years. For example, "You make communicating so easy. You just are able to stay hopeful even when you have no idea how to solve your problems, you say it like it is but you aren't a punisher. I have never met anyone who follows their gut feelings like you do." I am not telling you this to brag. We all know what we are good at doing. I am telling you because it sticks when others share what they know about you.



I am telling you also because here is a way to find out what people think your talents, skills, and gifts are that you could offer to others. (No one told me math.)



GET STARTED:



1. Invite them to your home.



2. Feed them.



3. Give them paper to write how they have helped you, how they have seen you help others, what they think you would like to do, and finally what short phrase they would say about you. For example, "Kathy, you are the best organizer."



4. If a friend can't come, email them the questions to fill in and have them email them written back to you. Put a return date on the email. People complete with deadlines and structure.



5. I still remember how vulnerable and how much fun that evening was for me. It actually is not ego. It takes courage to ask for help.



6. Write what you aren't good at doing. How much would you pay someone to help you, or how could you barter your needs with someone who has the skill? I have bartered computer skills for my teaching, workshops, consultations, and more.



7. Have the courage to ask for help. You can research online or in your community in the local papers, throwaway magazines, and papers to get support.



8. Have someone interview you. One of my favorite things is to interview a new client of mine.


Call me and you will see how that ignites what is next for you. It is quick, easy, and gives results. A surprise is revealed, and you will be smiling. A key is looking at who you are and who you aren't as of today and then having three steps of how to pull yourself up to what you want to become. I am simply passionate about revealing your dormant selves to you. I remember the six calls I had with a mother who, long story short, discovered by letting her talk about her joy in watching soap operas, that she really wanted to teach acting to elementary children. She just forgot that part of her through the decades of being mom and working in a bookstore.



No one wants to make changes alone. You don't have to. You need someone to ask the questions, really listen, and check back in with you. I, for sure, had professionals and friends on my path of building my new passions. I say passions because there is more to life than work.



When we are thinking about what is next, it doesn't only mean work. We simply get seduced into thinking we aren't enough if we aren't working, giving back. Not true. What's next could be making time for new relationships, both in partnering and friendships. I have seen where women want to date but are spending time with their friends and not making time to meet a partner. It is a comfort zone. Single parents feel overwhelmed, out of practice, and insecure about their looks, interests, and ways to connect.



Don't you wish we could just say what is to ourselves and then others? It is freeing.

More than anything, I know people want connections with like-minded others. They want a community. They don't want to always be the initiators and planners. Sound familiar?



My reminder to you is to not go through these transitions alone. If there is one risk you can force yourself to take, write what compliments you have heard about yourself over the years and ask your friends to email you or come over and write that list with you. OK, that is two risks.

Just do it. Stop that chatter in your head. Do it.



Email me at Natalie@emptynestsupport.com and let me know what showed up on your list. Call me if you need support for what is next for you.



I know times are tight with finances, and I know we can work something out so you can feel the hope and excitement of where to be heading.



Let's get going so summer is filled with something just for you.

* Do you want to write a book?

* Start a vegetarian cooking class?

* Grow a garden?

* Volunteer abroad for a week?

* Mentor at a library?

* Take a six-week course?

* Play tennis or golf?

* Get out your guitar?

* Take a vacation?



What do you think you need just for you?



About the Author:

Natalie Caine M.A., Program Director of Boomer-Living.com's "Boomer Advice for Empty Nesters," is the founder of Empty Nest Support Services launched in 2001. Natalie has been featured in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Better Homes and Gardens, USA Today, and more. http://www.emptynestsupport.com


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Monday, June 1, 2009

Creating Our Reality vs. Blame

There is a lot of commentary about how we create our own experience and our own reality, and therefore, the responsibility that comes along with that. When it comes to health issues especially, there is sometimes an inference that a person caused their own illness and therefore is to "blame".

Louisa Hay, among others, makes a point to NOT blame the individual - the issue is one of awareness. Habits without awareness will lead to relatively predictable patterns of thoughts, emotions, and physical reactions. In the case of illness or "dis-ease", holding these patterns of thoughts, emotions and postures can show up in the physical realm in a variety of ways. There are energetic and physical patterns that are consistent with certain thoughts and beliefs (see "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louisa Hay).

Here is an analogy - If I only made right turns on my car and never made a left turn, soon I would see more wear and tear on the right side. I may not be aware of the choices that I have until I learn that left hand turns are possible. You can "blame" me for only making right turns, but what does that add to the conversation?

Humans are a symphony of thoughts, emotions, physical structure and movement. In this mix, our emotions can play a role to impact dis-ease in many forms.
For example, a person may have an old injury and always be guarding to prevent re-injury. They fear re-injury and hold their body in a certain way. Over time, the muscles, tendons, joints, etc. will respond accordingly. This is also true for athletes. They sculpt their bodies over time to match the sport that they play. In fact, the best athletes combine techniques that bring their mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual selves into alignment. Some athletes talk about how they were "destined" in their sport. Think Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan, Arthur Ashe, etc.

That is not blame, that is cause and effect.

It is easier for us to make these logical conclusions with structural parts (bones, ligaments) than the organs (heart, liver, etc.) or "foreign" substances in our bodies (tumors). We often carry the attitude that cancer "happens to us" and people engage in thoughts of "they are such a good person they don't deserve this". In reality, we are 100% cell and tissue and everything in our body is impacted by our thoughts, emotions, body movements, etc. It may be easier to see the cause and effect on our structure (we move a certain way) than to see the effect on our organs (e.g, stress, anger, depression). Another excellent book on this subject is "Diary of a Medical Intuitive" by Christel Nani RN PhD.

The emotional and mental origin of a pattern (whether we judge it to be "positive" or "negative") may be from an experience from yesterday or from childhood. The mental and emotional pattern is still held in the body whether the person remembers the triggering event or not. In fact, it may be MORE confusing if they don't remember the event, because it may seem to come from "no where". Which, of course, points back to awareness - of the triggering event or even if they are aware of the pattern at all.

More awareness = living in the current moment = more possibilities
= more choice = more opportunity for change.

There is no blame in this equation, only compassion.

With much love and gratitude, Mj XOXO

PS - many thanks to my wonderful friend Gail R, who forwarded me a newsletter and stimulated an email exchange on this topic. Thank you my friend!

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