The Spiritual Path

I feel like I am at a transition point in this sabbatical. I am not sure exactly what is transitioning, but it is feeling like I am ready to move to a different level. I have been using this blog to open up my own personal logic for others, and have gotten feedback that it is "too much" for me to share. Honestly, it hasn't always been easy to write some of these posts. I have felt very vulnerable at times. And yet, I still wrote in the hopes of inspiring you to have the courage to look within.

What I have been trying to say through this blog and nine months is that we are human and in our human experience we embrace all of who we are. I have spent much of my life covering up and was fearful to look within, and I can see in hindsight that it took enormous energy to do this. No wonder I was tired all the time!

Others have been trying to help me see what it means to embrace myself fully for several years, and now I see it. We all ultimately have to discover things for ourselves in our own unique experience. And yet, we do have people all around us who can reach out and support us in our discovery, as we reach for others to assist them in their discovery. This is one of the ways that I offer assistance to you, by describing my own path.

I am reading "The Undefended Self: Living the Pathwork" by Susan Thesenga as part of my reading for the Barbara Brennan program. I would like to share some excerpts (pages 30-34).

The spiritual path requires that we explore the personal dualities which become manifest in childhood and are carried over into adulthood. We need to unravel and reverse the process by which we have become alienated from ourselves and our environment. We make the journey from the limited identify of our idealized self-image back to the expansiveness of our real self.

Each time we meet and embrace a hidden part of ourselves -- something that was rejecting in childhood as unacceptable or bad -- we create more inner unity. We become more alive by awakening from our numbness and self-rejection...

From our normal ego experience we see life in terms of opposites, one of which we deem desireable and the other undesireable. We consistently try to enhance the one and move away from the other... This place of the unity of opposites can only be discovered when we no longer defend against experiencing the rejected "half" of the experience, when we can allow into consciousness and even embrace the bad/dark/painful places within us...

Every time we relax into the feared or denied part of ourselves we go through a kind of "death" -- of our idealized self image, or who we thought we were -- which leads us to a new, deeper level of inner life... We come to unity through accepting our dualities.

Thus, following a spiritual path is not just seeking experiences of union. It is also about getting to know all those negative fragments of self that have been split off from unitive consciousness. This requires our commitment to self-purification, to becoming aware of our flaws and limitations... The job of transformation is to keep choosing to incarnate more and more of ourselves, to expand what it means to be human, to release our flaws at their origin... All human beings, however evolved, have human flaws. The undeveloped aspects are brought into incarnation for purification and our spiritual task is to focus specifically on these faults in order to transform and integrate them. Our dreams often reveal where our paths must focus next... The dream calls on the dreamer to build his nest high in his inner sanctuary...

There is nothing so dark within the human psyche that it cannot be transformed if brought to the light of awareness. Negativity that is met within the self can be embraced, forgiven, and released... Every fault acknowledged, every defense dismantled, and every pain felt and released, gives us powerful new reserves of thought and feeling for creating our lives in positive new directions.

Amen!

I love you all so very much, and support you in your journey as well.

With much love and gratitude, Mj XOXO

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Do What You Love

I am a firm believer that a book will find us. My friend Cameron Thompson sent me a happy new year email and gave me Marsha Sinetar's contact information (the author of "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow") and encouraged me to reach out to her. I did not. I didn't know what to say, quite frankly. I hadn't read the book, nor even gone to the local library or bookstore to find it. During our visit with cousin Julie, this book was on the shelf and "found" me. Okay, it is time.

I mention this because I know that many of my friends who read this blog have reached out to me and expressed their support of my journey (thank you!) but some also expressed their secret desire to break out. What surprised me about this book is the amount of psychological information of how we confine ourselves, and Marsha does a great job of describing how to get out.

Marsha talks about the parable of the Prodigal Son. We are not perfect and loving ourselves as the Father loves the Prodigal Son is vital to living a full life. The second "dutiful" son she calls our shadow. The Shadow simply shows us contrast, it is not the evil side to be despised. The Shadow holds our limiting beliefs and protections. The Shadow lives in a prison of our own making.

You, too, can break out of your own prison because 1) we get help creating the prison (childhood rearing, societal expectations, our own interpretations and beliefs) and 2) the good news is that we hold the key to getting out. The jailer is us, not the "other" that we want to blame for holding us prisoner.

For most of my life, I have been blessed with premonitions. I learned at an early age to trust "that voice" in my head because it spoke many words of wisdom. One of the things that I have known for 30 years is that at age 50, I would no longer work for money but rather, I would change my career and work from my passion (not that I won't still earn a great living, it won't be my primary motivation).

I have called this my "50+ plan". I just turned 49 in May. Great timing, eh? I had no idea that a sabbatical would be involved. The most ironic part is that this premonition is the last one. From here on in, it becomes a cliff. I really am in new territory with no "gut feel" or goal to constantly point me like a North Star. It feels exhilarating, actually! I am constantly practicing detachment and allowing this to unfold organically. It may sound like drifting and meandering, but it feels exploratory, adventurous and fun.

I have also had some dreams lately that, strung together, convey an interesting message.

The first is that I keep hearing the song "I Had A Dream" sung by Susan Boyle. And then I saw an interview with her and others where they were talking about how she went from obscurity ("hidden") to being out in the public eye. She said in the interview that it was like being hit with a wrecking ball (I think she used the term "gobsmacked", actually). People who live in the public eye have learned how to live with being seen over the course of many years. It reminded me of my early 20s - I had some jobs where I was in the public eye and didn't handle having everyone know about my business all the time. It was also a time that like many others I had my own dreams and ideals, and abandoned many of them.

The second set of dreams is Michael Jackson and the song "Beat It". He had a lot of hit songs with great messages - why this one? The lyrics talk about walking your own path. And, MJ was one of the most creative people of our time. Perhaps it is a message to explore my own creativity? I have been meaning to attend an art class for the last two months...

The third set of dreams that I have had over the last few weeks involves the main character of the TV show "Bones". Dr. Brennan is a very intelligent woman that doesn't always understand subtle human behavior and nuances. It is entertaining how she is portrayed as caring but also at times socially inept. We normally think of a person having both qualities. I have many clear memories of times in my life that I thought feelings were a sign of weakness and I disconnected my heart. Just unplugged the dang thing - pop! Not connecting with our heart can make us socially inept because we miss subtle "heart language" clues for ourselves and others that we care about. I built a prison cell with these beliefs.

Clearly, this sabbatical for me is about reconnecting with my heart, my creativity and my dreams as well as deconstructing the jail cells that I have built over the years. Protections and beliefs (jail cells) develop because we need them, and then at some point it is okay to let them go. Every time someone that I know reaches out to me from my blog, I am reminded how much I love them. I have been active on Facebook and have reconnected with many people that I love. I plugged my heart back in and let go of some protections. I keep simplifying my life. Go for the simple answers, simple pleasures. Breathe. Enjoy. Repeat. I sometimes wonder if my IQ drops with each cycle - LOL!

Yesterday, I was using Reiki with one of my hospice clients. The energy work was complete and I was just lightly touching her neck, head, shoulders. I was so connected in my heart and loving her in that moment, loving her spirit. Just spending time with her, paying attention to her, being with her. Those moments were timeless. It was the essence of life.

I have opened a new blog called "Heart Warriors". I want to fill it with stories of people who are "heart warriors" - people who are living from their heart. If you know a person, have a story to tell, share an event - I would love to publish it on this blog!

With much gratitude for every loving and living moment, Mj XOXO

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Nine Month Check in

It's hard to believe it has already been nine months since I began this sabbatical. I have learned many things that I would like to comment on here.

Lately, I have also been busy with many family visits so I haven't been writing as much. Starting in May, we had lots of activities for about 10 weeks. It was a joy to spend time with Mom Puleo especially, cousin Julie and the kids and other family members. We celebrated Paul's 65th birthday and Fathers Day all together. My sister and brother in law even drove out from Indiana for a weekend. It was lots of fun and great to spend time with everyone, and it also kept my sabbatical activities to a minimum. In other words, not much to report on the sabbatical front.

As I look over the last nine months, it feels like I have come so far and yet there is so much more. I am the same and I am different (which you are probably saying to yourself "duh" :-). I experience great joy when I think about what I have accomplished and yet, I see that I want to go so much further in learning, developing, serving others. I am enjoying both.

Right now, I am in the midst of rediscovering the joy of play. I feel like I am on an extended summer vacation, and I worked very hard for many years to create this space. If you keep up with my Facebook updates, I am getting out into nature as of late and I feel refreshed and renewed every day. I have especially enjoyed two activities - riding my bike and floating in the ocean. I surrender to the gentle floating of the waves and the feeling of freedom as I glide my bike through parks and trails.

I do have "urges" to move into action, and I have let my intuition guide me every step of the way. At the beginning of this sabbatical, a well intentioned friend warned me that I should have some clear goals. She said her fear was that I would come to the "end" and not have anything to show for it. I paused and then intentionally let go of that fear for myself. The richest part of this journey has been keeping it open ended and undefined. I was "supposed" to be writing a book, getting back into my music and art. I will probably still do those things, just on a different time table.

Instead, I have been deeply exploring how we manage many levels of our energy and how it shows up in our personalities, our relationships, our spirituality and our beliefs. In the process I have learned more about myself in the last nine months than I think I have over the last 40+ years. I have also done a fair amount of healing work with myself and with the assistance of others. I have taken some energy workshops and have been "teaching" energy workshops with friends and neighbors at home for the last few months.

In so many ways, my life feels more like I am gliding toward my desires rather than pushing a rock up the hill. Hallelujah! I love this life a lot more and want to bring more of this into everything that I do. More appreciation, more creativity, more life!

I signed up for the Barbara Brennan Healing Science four year program, which starts in late August. In the meantime, I have been working on my homework assignments to prepare for my first year. I have been reading the "Hands of Light" book, and every time I open it I see more and more excellent information.

There are so many ways that I want to help others as well as continue my own path of growth and development. What I have discovered is that this sabbatical is a trajectory for a direction that has had long roots throughout my life but has been hidden and undeveloped for many years.

Today, I have an energy session with a hospice client and then I will enjoy yet another beautiful day in Paradise!

With much love and gratitude, Mj xoxo

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