The Essence of Our Own Medicine

When we think of medicine, probably the first thing that comes to mind are doctors, nurses, hospitals and more broadly, health services. This institution does great work and improves the quality of life - as well as save lives - every day. They intervene in our lives often at critical times.

Earlier this week, I attended an evening session where the concept of medicine was discussed, but in a broader way in line with ancient traditions. I attended a class on shamanism. What appeals to me about this philosophy is the rich tradition of being connected to the earth and our own inner knowing, our intuition, our guidance. Some people go to a ball game to have fun, I attend classes in shamanism. :-)

Adam the shaman at one point started talking about medicine. It is believed that medicine is the "essence" in each and every thing, every person. We all carry our own personal medicine. The signs and symbols that we receive in synchronicity with our life experience carries medicine and are unique to us. Some people carry medicine bags with objects in them that carry their medicine, and purposefully honor the symbolism of what the objects represent. Most of us have a drawer or a box that we tuck away objects that have special meaning to us, or display them on a shelf as a way of honoring the meaning that they carry.

Adam went on to describe some of the objects in his medicine bag. Many (if not all) of the objects symbolized turning points in his life and were times of great learning. He carries the object because it reminds him of what it was like to make the transition. For those of us in the helping professions, we purposefully travel our own path of self development. It is inherent in our leadership to do this, to guide by going first. "How can you ask that which you will not do?" It is also important for us to remember what it felt like "before" because it enhances our compassion for others who are on their path.

I was talking with my coach this morning and described the concept of the medicine bag. We started to talk about what objects I would put in my medicine bag to remind me of this sabbatical. I have had many wonderful turning points. Here are a few "things" that came to mind quickly:

• The book that helped me to embrace my shadow.
• The Refreshing Relationships weekend that my husband and I spent in Encinitas CA where we reaffirmed our marriage and deepened our love for each other.
• The teddy bear that I carried around for a week which helped me to open my heart even more.
• The day that I became an adept initiate in the Modern Mystery School, because on that day I was truly in the right place at the right time. There was no other place for me to be that day.
• My intuition and guidance that was with me as this process unfolded for me.
  
• This blog because it symbolizes my voice and my desire to share my experience with you in the hopes that it encourages you on your own journey. It is for you that I write.
  

There are other things that I can put in there, and yet I also want to be judicious about it too. It is not about quantity, it is about the deep lessons and turning points that they symbolize. There were many small and important steps that I took in between to create each transition. Transition points are often experiences that can create fear because it is in that moment that we step into the void, the unknown experience. The medicine the objects represent are our moments of greatest courage.

And for that, I am eternally grateful. With much love and appreciation for all that life is and shall be

Mj
XOXO

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Smooth, So Smooth

I haven't written much in the last few months, partly because it has been summer time and well, the ocean has been calling my name (this is a photo I took.) Lots of family visits and then lots of visits with friends including a week long "stay-cation" (stay at home vacation). My new way to meditate is on the back of a bike or floating in the ocean.

I still feel like I am at a turning point, of which I am not sure. A few months ago, I embraced my shadow and I could feel the change in my body, my emotions and in my thinking. It truly was a point of transformation for me on a scale that I have never experienced before.

Since then, I have been focusing much more on my energy. I have become much more aware of how I feel in my body and whether I am in integrity or not. It has become uncomfortable to not be 100% in integrity, if I am whole (or not) in my relationships. I used to feel like I had a chip on my shoulder a lot, an edge that was underneath. Chip gone!

My husband and I have changed together, for the better. Especially in the last few weeks we both have become much more aware of our relationship and those "sticking points" and we shift in the moment. It is not avoidance, per se (i.e., "oh, don't go there"), it is more about wanting more from our relationship and actively creating what we want.

I also feel like it is much less about doing and much more about being. I guess this goes along with the comments on energy. I am more cognizant about "who am I" in the moment. My timeframe has also expanded. I consciously step back and take a broader view across my life, across other perspectives and can see when I am getting myself "stuck" in the emotion of the moment and in a narrow frame of mind.

It has also become even easier to "process" myself, to observe my reactions and to be able to dig into what is going on for me in terms of my beliefs, assumptions, challenges, etc. I can hear feedback much easier and take it less personally. I am much more engaged with others and joyful with others!

I did many of these things before, but now it is 10x, if not 100x! Life is smooth, with very little resistance. It is amazing what life is like on this side. It is hard to describe if you are not "here". I still have challenges, but now it is easier to flow through them rather than fight them. I occasionally wonder if I will "go back"when I go back to work, to the daily stress that are normal in daily life. I have constructed a life here that is a wonderful space for me to experience this serenity. I feel like I am "boring" - just happy, happy, happy!

I am now 10 months into this sabbatical and could never have "prescribed" or created goals for all that has happened for me. It has exceeded my expectations in so many ways! I set one goal - to trust my intuition and guidance throughout this process, and for that I am very grateful!

So what is next? Following my intuition is now a way of life for me. I know that I am on a path and that will continue. I actually was motivated to do some work yesterday! I have had zero motivation to do any work during this sabbatical. My motivation to work is a good sign. I knew this would not last forever, and yet until yesterday I kept feeling like "I'm not through yet".

I took the Myers Briggs test on Facebook today, and got the same score that I did before - INFP, which stands for Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceptive.

Hmmm - ya think?

With so much love and gratitude for this opportunity of a lifetime!

Mj XOXO

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The Spiritual Path

I feel like I am at a transition point in this sabbatical. I am not sure exactly what is transitioning, but it is feeling like I am ready to move to a different level. I have been using this blog to open up my own personal logic for others, and have gotten feedback that it is "too much" for me to share. Honestly, it hasn't always been easy to write some of these posts. I have felt very vulnerable at times. And yet, I still wrote in the hopes of inspiring you to have the courage to look within.

What I have been trying to say through this blog and nine months is that we are human and in our human experience we embrace all of who we are. I have spent much of my life covering up and was fearful to look within, and I can see in hindsight that it took enormous energy to do this. No wonder I was tired all the time!

Others have been trying to help me see what it means to embrace myself fully for several years, and now I see it. We all ultimately have to discover things for ourselves in our own unique experience. And yet, we do have people all around us who can reach out and support us in our discovery, as we reach for others to assist them in their discovery. This is one of the ways that I offer assistance to you, by describing my own path.

I am reading "The Undefended Self: Living the Pathwork" by Susan Thesenga as part of my reading for the Barbara Brennan program. I would like to share some excerpts (pages 30-34).

The spiritual path requires that we explore the personal dualities which become manifest in childhood and are carried over into adulthood. We need to unravel and reverse the process by which we have become alienated from ourselves and our environment. We make the journey from the limited identify of our idealized self-image back to the expansiveness of our real self.

Each time we meet and embrace a hidden part of ourselves -- something that was rejecting in childhood as unacceptable or bad -- we create more inner unity. We become more alive by awakening from our numbness and self-rejection...

From our normal ego experience we see life in terms of opposites, one of which we deem desireable and the other undesireable. We consistently try to enhance the one and move away from the other... This place of the unity of opposites can only be discovered when we no longer defend against experiencing the rejected "half" of the experience, when we can allow into consciousness and even embrace the bad/dark/painful places within us...

Every time we relax into the feared or denied part of ourselves we go through a kind of "death" -- of our idealized self image, or who we thought we were -- which leads us to a new, deeper level of inner life... We come to unity through accepting our dualities.

Thus, following a spiritual path is not just seeking experiences of union. It is also about getting to know all those negative fragments of self that have been split off from unitive consciousness. This requires our commitment to self-purification, to becoming aware of our flaws and limitations... The job of transformation is to keep choosing to incarnate more and more of ourselves, to expand what it means to be human, to release our flaws at their origin... All human beings, however evolved, have human flaws. The undeveloped aspects are brought into incarnation for purification and our spiritual task is to focus specifically on these faults in order to transform and integrate them. Our dreams often reveal where our paths must focus next... The dream calls on the dreamer to build his nest high in his inner sanctuary...

There is nothing so dark within the human psyche that it cannot be transformed if brought to the light of awareness. Negativity that is met within the self can be embraced, forgiven, and released... Every fault acknowledged, every defense dismantled, and every pain felt and released, gives us powerful new reserves of thought and feeling for creating our lives in positive new directions.

Amen!

I love you all so very much, and support you in your journey as well.

With much love and gratitude, Mj XOXO

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