This will be one of the most, er, unusual posts I have written. I see in a lot of spiritual writings that there is a point where a person has to go mad, crazy, unglued before they reach the other side. I think I am taking - hope this is - a step in that direction. I shan't shake my head too much lest a marble or two roll out...
The story begins on Sunday during my healing session with Joy Adler. It is our second session and we were working on things that I started discovering over three years of talking and introspection. We telepath our hopes, our dreams, our wounds and our triumphs through our energy field, and Joy is one of those people who is trained to read that energy.
During our session, we are working on my force of will. At first, I thought "F***, there is that anger I thought I let go of". Now, after a few days, I can see how I have a strong force of will. It has served me well during times of determination, and it has also worked against me when it has been bundled with my personal logic and created mischief in my relationships. So I scheduled some time on my calendar this week to journal and do some introspection work. My husband was going on a business trip, so the timing was working out well. By golly, I was going to get rid of this thing and be done with it. (Hmmmm, see how force of will can work against me? ;-)
Sunday night, I am going to bed and I look at a stuffed bear that we have on the headboard. I ask myself a question - is processing and integrating my session "full on" the only way to approach what is going on with me? What if I used a softer approach where I comforted and nurtured myself instead? With that thought, I act on the impulse to take the bear with me into bed and hold it. Yeah, I know, I am a grown adult. Sounds crazy. And, there was a strange comforting feeling that I got from doing this. I feel like a whack job writing this, and laughing. Bear with me, it gets even better. Yeah - pun intended. ;-)
We also sleep together Monday night and I sneak her back onto the floor in the early morning hours before my husband wakes up. Tuesday, hubby is gone on his trip and I decide that me and the bear are going to spend some quality time together. In the daylight, no more sneaking around like we are having an affair in the dark of night. Well, only behind closed doors. I'm not that 
brave or crazy to take her to the local grocery store.
So meet Boobah, the Wonder Bear. Over the course of 48 hours, Boobah and I spent a lot of time together: fixing meals, working on the computer, reading, watching TV together, playing, carrying her around like a baby. And in that time, she became a wonderful catalyst. She symbolically helped me in several ways:
- At first, I allowed myself to enjoy the tactile sensation of her soft fur, which was comforting. From time to time, people will share stories of their special childhood blanket and how comforting it felt when they rubbed the silk seam (and oh by the way, how they still have that blanket and pull it out from time to time). It felt like that.
- Next, Boobah evolved into a young puppy, soft and cuddly and it felt playful and fun. I remembered times in my life when I played with puppies and enjoyed their innocence and playfulness.
- Then, I started to remember many different times when I held babies and small children in my arms, talked and read stories to them over the years. I could feel the love and bonding that I felt for the child in those moments. I felt my heart open a little more.
- I moved on to thinking about the children who will be in the New World Leadership school that is opening in September, where my husband and I are investors. I visualized children running around the yard, playing with each other, learning, exploring. We are helping to create a special place for them. My heart opened even more.
- Then this little wonder bear represented my own inner child. I felt like I went back in time and showered my own little girl self with my presence and love in ways that I thought I had missed. My resentment dissipated and I felt complete.
- Finally, I was able to feel love for the child I never had. For many years, I was angry at how I was raised and swore that I would never subject a child to the same experience I had. I was able to make peace with that.
Stuffed teddy bears are an American phenomenon, and it started in 1903 when a cartoon depicted Teddy Roosevelt on a hunting trip refusing to shoot a bear that was tied to a tree. According to Wikipedia, "Morris Michtom saw the drawing of Roosevelt and the bear cub and was inspired to create a new toy. He created a little stuffed bear cub and put it in his shop window with a sign that read 'Teddy's bear'... The craze for Teddy Bears was such that ladies carried them everywhere, children were photographed with them, and Roosevelt used one as a mascot in his bid for re-election."
During emergencies, fire personnel will give teddy bears to children because it has been shown to help stabilize them during a crisis. There is something inviting about these little things, with their wide set eyes and soft fur. They symbolize comfort, compassion and nurturing.
Boobah's work as a catalyst is complete. I honor the work that we did this week and she is going back on the head board with my appreciation. Thanks Boobah!
Here's a small addendum, posted late afternoon. I can't remember the last time I felt this peaceful and balanced. We all get strong "intuitive hits" to do things. True guidance would not direct you to harm yourself or another. And, by the way, the requests can be wacky and really out of our comfort zone. It tests our faith and courage.
After this morning's post (and a few more hours of shut eye) I did my morning meditation. I received guidance for over 30 minutes which for me longer than usual. I followed the four basic steps - Clear and Connect, Ask and Allow - and I was able to "hear" them more clearly. All good stuff...
To all the teddy bears in your life, with much love and gratitude, Mj XOXO
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